A day in the studio and a great number of great bags are packed, in about five hours I have to be at the airport.

Big Nazo is off to Edmonton, Alberta. We have one great big show, and possibly a couple of smaller engagements.

It's not a particularly thrilling travel plan, I have to be at the airport at 4 a.m., then I have three flights before I get to my final destination, somehow I'm going through Texas. I also heard something about Denver on the way back, I don't know. I just put on my magic underpants and follow my passport.

Like Polk's four years in office, I go to Canada for four days. I will not stay for a second four-day term, it will not be necessary, for I will already have achieved my four goals.

1. Strike down the embargoes on foreign action figures. These have stood for too long; the last embers of a once roaring action-figure war that has cooled over the years. The fans have a right to all the latest Ripcord action figures from America.

2. Broker a deal to establish a Canadian Hall of Fame IN AMERICA. Preferrably Miami. Canada should get proper credit for Dave Foley, Rush and Steve Nash.

3. Force America to sell one of the Hawaiian Islands to Canada. The entire country could all winter on Maui, and as long as they tip the cabbies no one on the island would care.

4. Require that old people who want cheap Canadian drugs not come themselves, but send the most attractive of their granddaughters to pick them up for them.

This message payed for by the Campaign to have Stuart Wilson elected into any office available. Approved by Stuart Wilson's Stikfa collection. Mandated by the Encyclopedia of Bad Taste.

Olympics

This idea of counting up one country's medals, gold silver and bronze, and tallying them as one, is ridiculous. Clearly they need to be weighted, not just for alloy but for sport.

A gold in the marathon should earn more points for her country than the winner of the bronze in rhythmic gymnastic ribbon-twirling.

At the top of the list you've got the decathalon, marathon, 1500M, 100M, individual all-around gymnastics, soccer and other stuff like that. Maybe wrestling too, for tradition. I'm not sure, there's probably a lot more. It's tough to get a swimming event in because there's just so many of them.

And maybe a decathalon plus a few dozen more events, swimming, kayaking, tetherball, roller dancing, van surfing, mustache growing, cooking, karaoke, water-skiing, vinyl spinning, nose blowing, stuff like that.

I also still like the idea of making every athlete for a particular country compete in some massive relay race/obstacle course. You'd have to have some formula for number of athletes or something.

There should be a mystery sport, each country sends a team of 15 or so guys, and then they find out the sport they're going to play when they show up. Like matball or one of those made-up games from gym class.

Not posting, living

It's true, I haven't posted in way too long. I have no excuse, frankly I've been wasting so much of my time reading, playing frisbee, lounging at the beach and enjoying the company of family and friends.

Anyway I'm up late talking with my contacts in the ever-important GI Joe community, Tom Jacks and Johnny Turk, or whatever their weird pseudonyms are. I actually still refer to them as other nom de plumes.

I've found a beach with lots of sea glass, I'm thinking I'll start collecting it so I can grow plants amongst it, or something. I have to take care of this plant someone gave me, some kind of contest.

I'm hoping this small post will help me build some momentum towards the time when I wrote more regularly.

GOTTA KEEP MY EDGE UP!